Sweet dreams, Aurélius

September began under the sign of seasonal allergies, and this year, they were particularly intense, to the point of requiring medication. To give an idea of what this represented on a daily basis, symptoms included extreme fatigue, eyes watering incessantly, a continuously running nose, boxes of Kleenex emptying at an impressive speed, skin irritated by itching, and occasionally, difficulty breathing when the congestion became too significant.

The most difficult thing about these allergies is their unpredictability. They come in waves. Sometimes, the symptoms last only a few minutes or a few hours before disappearing. Other times, they settle in for one or even two full days, despite the medication. It is physically exhausting, but also mentally draining when you never really know when the next wave will strike. It was also a particularly stressful month, partly due to the health of my elderly hamster.

Since the beginning of August, a mass had been gradually developing. At his first veterinary appointment in mid-August, the prognosis was reassuring. The doctor believed it was likely a benign mass and prescribed a painkiller, with a follow-up appointment scheduled a few weeks later to check its progression. Three weeks later, a second veterinarian, who had access to his entire medical file, noted that the mass had grown. He also noticed the appearance of several small, whitish masses whose origin remained unknown.

He first suggested lancing them to check if they might be abscesses and, in that case, to propose an appropriate treatment. However, after his evaluation, he concluded that they were not abscesses. Given his advanced age and the progression of his condition, there was unfortunately no recommended treatment. The best thing to do was then to monitor him closely and ensure he remained comfortable for the time he had left. Exactly 48 hours after this appointment, Aurélius left us. I experienced a lot of sadness in the days that followed. Despite the pain of this loss, I also feel immense gratitude. I was lucky to be with him until the very end, to say goodbye to him, to hold him against me, and to accompany him as he took his last breaths in my arms.

It is a memory both heartbreaking and precious that I will continue to carry with me. September will therefore have been a month of fatigue, worry, and grief, but also a month that reminded me of the importance of being present for those we love, until the very last moment.